Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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