my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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