I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
