I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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