Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
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did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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