Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
