and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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