He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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