I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this will be a night to untag.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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