true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
tell me about the fingering
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