I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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