think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
