i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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