I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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