I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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