I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
