As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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