yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
