Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
