there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks