im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.