You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
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FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.