Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.