he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
