So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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