Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
