the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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