I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And then the night went full on bisexual.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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