this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
