I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
