You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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