who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
