Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
