i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
