she woke up with a sticky ear
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i now understand why vodka
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
