tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
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