If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
