I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
