he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
