Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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