I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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