So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
