It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
