Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
