dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
