i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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