Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
we should paint friendship bongs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
