i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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