dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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