For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
