My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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