Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
