so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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