You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
