she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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