I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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