woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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