I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
