Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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