She said her name was "party"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
