U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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