I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
