I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
