It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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