happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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