You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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