This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
