just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
