I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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