Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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