ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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