tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize