I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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