it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
