my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
